Saturday, July 27, 2019

kneeling in piss - tour de force

tour de force is the first kneeling in piss album
written in 2018-19 in chicago, il & columbus, oh
available online via spotify, itunes
out soon on vinyl & cassette via the fah q catalog / anyway records

usa will start another war

usa will start another war
another war that i'll survive
to prove that they're serious
they'll arrange a bunch of bodies in a pile
towards the sky

trudeau and assad are shaking hands
angela and donald sit around
everyone is refreshing their phone
progress can be something you're ashamed of, you know

at the center of the earth is a cd rom
one that continues spinning while we sleep
the programming is pretty straight forward
we must suffer until humanity is extinct

observe a reenactment of a life
observe a reenactment of a day
both end exactly the same
with me or someone else walking away

walk away

winston hightower

i couldn’t see at all
through my sunglasses
there were fingerprints all on them
as i’d been touching my face

all afternoon i hoped you’d call
even though i was aware
you displayed no indication of calling
i still thought about it

i wanted to destroy every machine
every computer i’m convinced that i need
it’s a distinctly postmodern type of suffering
you learn to live with it

september in 2018
how many days since world war three began?
i don’t know exactly how it started
or where or why or when

two tv screens
where eyes should be
nothing to see
still hard to see
picture me
before you leave
where i should be
nothing to see

song about being unemployed

its after 7 am when i get up
i drink a coffee, look at my cell phone
i want to describe it as dread that i’m feeling
but i know its more complicated

i walk around the place where i’m living
its familiar, nondescript
i feel affinity with inanimate objects
all of the buildings and shit on the sidewalk

i could count on one hand with one hand
all of the days with no indecision
but i accept it, i guess
i don’t argue i just try to ignore it

i entered the room with no inhibition
told danielle what i was thinking
speak quiet, no one will hear you
talk loudly, no one will listen

timothée chalamet, where are you going?

richard is disappearing
one limb at a time
first his arms, then his legs, then his shoulders
it looks like he stepped on a landmine, but he’s alright

sarah leaves her apartment
each morning at nine
her possessions are arranged and in order
but nothing is easy to find

michael sits down for coffee
but orders whiskey on ice
he feels ashamed but emboldened
he goes on with his life

timothée chalamet where are you going?
please come back inside
everything will go back to how it once was
just come back inside, alright?

social scene

how to get out
how to run but not hide
how to think clearly
how to take your time, and mine
how isolation is good
what comes after is better
how to accept things the first time around
how to maintain that point of view
considering everything you know now

feeling romantic

i had a dream
we were trees
and nobody could see our faces
i closed my eyes
you showed your teeth
nobody could tell the difference
they couldn't see it
our faces!
they don't believe it

i ride the bus
you drive a car
we're going to different places
i'm going to the store
you're visiting your mom
in her apartment building
i can't see you
different places!
no i'm not near you

you're 17
i'm 51
we are different ages
we're not related
we're not in love
but still i wrote this song about you
but you'll never hear it
different ages!
wouldn't get near it!

kneeling in piss theme song

i see no future
i see no past
i don’t feel happy
i don’t feel sad
i laugh at bad thoughts
but i’m still good
it doesn’t bother me
even though it should
i lost my mind a bit
i went to look for it
but now i found it and
i can’t get rid of it
living in filth
surrounded by shit
worse every day
kneeling in piss

what future?

what future? there’s none
culture is dumb
people are boring
i don’t like that many

the cops will kill you
your car can kill you
your job will kill you
rob portman wants to kill you, yeah

i looked hard
i tried to find
the face behind the screen
i saw my own reflection
and he stared right back at me
in his eyes i saw everything
i think but never speak
i tried to hide it for a while there, i think

the bombs, they’ll keep you quiet
more than they will keep you safe
whether they're pointed at korea, at iran, or USA
eventually there won't be anywhere
where they can aim
without hitting the guy
pressing the button

the sky is running out of air to breathe
the ground is running out of soil
and i am running out of things to say
yeah, i'm running out of things to say


columbus day

build a life out of the time
you were spending recklessly
make your home in a building
no one wants to live in
make what you think obvious
all of the time
never be ambiguous at all, alright

move around common ground
but don’t get off your feet
go downtown in columbus
stand in the street
every day is a holiday
starting tonight
existence is a tragedy still alright

read a book, watch tv
what’s the difference anymore?
stay at home, have a drink
take your meals on the floor
express moral outrage at everything
while standing outside of it all, okay!

had a feeling

couldn’t get along here even though i tried
social situation, socialize
nice to meet you, have a nice night
it’s been a pleasure, no really, it’s all mine

i had a feeling

couldn’t get out of here even though i tried
same conversation multiple times
it's been a long day, it's been a long week
let's talk about the weather, communism, the police

i had a feeling

feeling “very serious”

i come back inside
i feel very serious
i’ve rehearsed all my lines
and i still don’t know what to say
you can tell by their faces
a blank expression and a neon gaze
the studio audience doesn’t forgive, they don’t forget
they’ll applaud as somebody dies right in front of them

i wrote everything down
to compensate for all the forgetting
but i’m always kidding around
my diary reads like one long joke
i memorized and recited aloud
people laughed even though nothing really was funny
now i look and no one’s around
i’m 26, disillusioned, and i’m running out of money, yeah!

clear your mind

my eyes are wide
open inside
if you’re feeling fine
don’t question it

if you could clear your mind
what would you keep inside
what would you let get away?
don’t run after it!

someone’s hiding in a tree branch
people are living underwater
i’ve been sleeping in the bushes
i’ve been thinking about your daughter

once again
i’m thinking clearly
but speaking nervously

a strange irony
has brought with it clarity
and now i’m taken seriously
in certain social circles

i’ve been hiding in a tree branch
slowly running out of water
taking comfort in the silence
i’ve been sleeping with your daughter

song about quitting the cafe

i want to move to honolulu
but i can’t afford the flight
i go to sleep every night at eleven
and wake up at a quarter to five
i was so prepared for things to end
i didn’t pay attention when they started
i told you i’d been feeling stupid
you said, alex i think you’re remarkable

either way, hard to say

i ride the train around for something to do
i haven’t hung around in a while now
feeling bad, you know, is nothing new
but sometimes i wish it would slow down
i look at my cell phone
i stare out the window
i look at my cell phone again
and all of the people
are doing the same
they’re doing the same thing

song about cities

outside of the chicago art museum
i sat down and told paul how i’d been
i don’t remember how he responded
i can’t even remember what i said
probably told him i felt fine

i walked alone through downtown st louis
i stopped inside a hotel lobby starbucks
to use the bathroom i took the elevator to the third floor
i felt underdressed and out of place
i feel that way fairly often

drinking coffee in new york city i felt alright
i remember being restless in olympia
i liked being in detroit last september
the first time i was there i hardly went outside
i think it was seventeen degrees

phoebe described massachusetts  to me
first in email and then later on the phone
she drove thirteen hours to columbus
later i cancelled plans to fly a few hours to see her
after we ended our relationship

jordan is alone more often now in maryland
we agreed that we both enjoy solitude
here i said theres fucking people everywhere
and they all want to stop and talk to you
even when you’re wearing headphones
even when you’re reading
even when you’re on the bus
even at the supermarket
and even i’m complicit

past couple of months